Keep people from hijacking your time

Being a good listener doesn’t mean you have to let someone else control the conversation—especially when the other person wants to engage in unproductive whining or gossip. It’s OK to take charge with these tactics:

• Feel free to interrupt long-winded people and encourage them to state their points succinctly. Example: “I’m sorry to interrupt, Lisa, but I have to get back to work. Is is this a story you can sum up in two minutes? If not, let’s schedule a meeting for later today.”
• Don’t let conversations veer off track. Most discussions derail when the conversation flows from one subject to another and back again. Assign a “title” to each major point. Example: “John, we’re talking about your salary right now—is that right?” and then finish that conversation before you go on to the next.
• Limit discussion time. Do not allow any individual point of discussion to take more than five or 10 minutes to complete. Any time in excess of that is usually about the emotional issue, not the subject at hand.
• Wrap it up. A few minutes before the end of the time you have allocated for the conversation, tell your talkative colleague that you need to wrap up the discussion. Then summarize the main points, identify what action needs to be taken and, if necessary, schedule anadditional conversation.

— Adapted from Leadership Secrets of the World’s Most Successful CEOs, Eric Yaverbaum, Dearborn Trade Publishing, http://www.dearborn trade.com.

Photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/tschiae/8080742303.

5 ways managers sabotage conversations

A critical part of being a good manager is keeping a two-way dialogue going. Toward that end, avoid these common mistakes that obstruct or disrupt productive conversations:

• Blabbermouthing. Don’t lecture employees, continuing on and on without giving them a chance to speak. They will tune you out.
• Hijacking the conversation.When employees tell you something about themselves, avoid the temptation to chime in with “A similar thing happened to me …”
• Offering unsolicited advice. You may feel wise when you offer phrases such as “Have you thought of … ?” and “Why don’t you … ?” when employees come to you with a problem. However, your employees will think you consider them ignorant. Instead, let employees finish talking and then ask “Would you like my opinion?” or “What alternatives have you thought of?”
• Interrupting. If you routinely interrupt employees, they’ll shut down out of deference to your position as boss. You may simply be excited and anxious to express yourself, but a good manager doesn’t stifle people.
• Contradicting. Although it’s used as a ploy in debates, direct disagreement won’t help you in conversation. Instead of overriding the other person’s opinion with a curt “I disagree,” take the time to disagree diplomatically. Example: “I see it a little differently.”

— Adapted from “Six Conversational Mistakes to Avoid,” Loren Ekroth, http://www.conversationmatters.com.

Take-charge tips to tame talkaholics

Use these strategies to hold your own in conversation with a compulsive talker who doesn’’t seem to know how to listen or take turns:

• Establish a time frame. As you begin the conversation, explain that you do not have unlimited time for discussion: ““I have only five minutes before I need to …””
• Interrupt when necessary. Regain some control by breaking in firmly when you need to: “”Hold on a moment; I have something to say”” or “”Let me respond to what you just said.”
• Set parameters. Talkaholics tend to share all the details they know, so tell your talkaholic just how much you want to hear: ““I don’t need all the details right now; —just give me the headlines.””
• Escape. If nothing else works, you need to extricate yourself from a frustrating situation. Simply say ““Excuse me; I need to go now.”” If you sense the topic is important, set an appointment to revisit it at a more convenient time.

—-Adapted from ““Conversation and Compulsive Talkers,”” Loren Ekroth, Better Conversations, http://www.conversation-matters.com.

Engage in interesting conversations

Make your chats with colleagues memorable. Enjoy great conversations when you use these techniques:

• Be descriptive. Replace common phrases with vivid images. Paint a picture with your words.
• Present comparisons. When giving a reaction or explanation, use contrast to add meaning. Example: “He’s a successful businessman. I’m not saying he’s Richard Branson, but he does all right.”
• Add nonverbal cues. Convey confidence in conversation with great posture. Gesture; emphasize key words; and vary your speed, tone, inflection and volume to keep your listener interested.
• Identify overlapping interests. Find the hobbies or topics you both enjoy to make conversations a dialogue rather than a monologue.
• Be positive. Even if you are offering negative feedback, include a positive statement.

— Adapted from “The 12 Golden Rules of Great Conversation: Part 1 of 2,” Geoff Peart, Stepcase Lifehack, http://www.lifehack.org.

Photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/uniondocs.